Who Would Have Thought?

Who would have thought that I'd be like this now that they're gone. I miss the noise, the yelling, the laughter, the crying.. I miss the little feet going up and down the stairs constantly, the piercing shriek of "Ay, Victor", the little fists knocking/banging at my door asking "Tia, can I come in?" or "Will you listen to me read?" or "Yo chi quelo titi" (te quiero tia).. aww, I miss all of that already.. I miss them so badly already and it's only been one day..

Last night was the first night that I slept without at least one member of my family in the house.. wow, it was lonely... Yeah, I know I would moan and groan about not having my space, about having to share my tv's and bathrooms and laundry machines and closets and about having to give up my garage and how my carpet is so dirty now and how my walls have stains and how my glass dining room table has a crack in it and about how incredibly high the bills have gone up... but in the end, I realized that none of that matters... I know, it's cliché and corny but it's the truth...who cares that you have all this stuff if you have no one to share it with?

After having my 13-year-old brother live with me for a few months I had decided no kids.. EVER!! After having a bad relationship I had decided no men in my life, EVER... But as with most things it's just a wound that the course of time heals; then new memories take place and build hope and our dreams are reborn. I must say, I can't wait until God finally gives me the man that is for me and the children that are meant to be mine. Don't get me wrong though, by no means am I trying to rush anything.. this isn't even something that I want until years from now.. but all in the Lord's time and as his will be done. All I can do is pray for my husband, wherever he may be, to be well, to take the right paths and to be prepared so that when we meet it will be right. I guess what I'm trying to say is that having my sister and her family stay with me just made me realize that I want a family of my own one day. I really, really do. I want my own children and my own husband and I want to have "our" dinner, "our" outings, "our" quality time. I guess everything that I am going through now is preparing me to be a better wife and mother so that when the time is right, we go through our lives with the least possible amount of bumps in the road.

Hmmm.. Who would have thought that I would ever get all of this from the sister that I "loved" least? Who would have thought that my sister would finally grow up and open her eyes to the reality that I had seen all my life? Who would have thought that our principles and goals and ideas about parenting and responsibility would have finally aligned? Who would have thought that we would have gone through three months together- 3 adults and 2 kids- sharing two bedrooms, three beds and one a half bathrooms without being at each other's throats? Who would have thought that this confined space which is notorious for providing the path to my alienation from others would make us so much more closer?

This is the sister that I had detested and completely despised not too long ago... I know that's a horrible way to talk about one's sibling but it was the truth. I couldn't trust her. All of the awful conniving things that she had done to me, it was a wonder that I even talked to her still. As a matter of fact, I barely did... but then I found myself saying in total disbelief "yes" when she asked if she could stay with me for a few months until her house was finished being built... when I got off the phone with her I really could not believe that I had just agreed to that. That I was letting that "evil" being back into my life like that... but I did. Now I know that that was God's way of allowing us to reconcile our differences, for me to see that people do change over time and the rewards of forgiveness far exceed those of holding a grudge.



Who would have thought that in the midst of finding a place for my sister in my life, I would find myself?

I love you, Angie!!

Gracias Dios por tu misericordia, sabiduria y bendiciones!!