Rito's note to hubby

I'd like to post this because though it was not written to me or by me, it was shared with me and it's important. It will serve as a reminder of what I do not want to have and as a guideline in case I start feeling like this at all, I should definitely pay attention to it, not ignore it. I'm glad my Ritoroo wrote this and is getting through this tough time in her life. I love you Rito!!

hey, are you still mad at me? do you have something that you want us to do together tonight? Other than cleaning.

I do miss you and wish that you and I were closer these days. I guess maybe I'm still adjusting to you being gone for three weeks and I got into the habit of hanging out a lot and enjoying it very much. I love you and wish that I didn't need anyone else to fulfill my other needs - i.e., emotional, supporting me in my endeavors, encouraging me in the things that I enjoy doing (soccer, snowboarding).

During our snow trip, it seemed like you didn't really care too much to hang out with me. On the last day, it seemed like you were staying with me only so no one else would have to baby-sit me or have to deal with me. Believe it or not, there are ppl out there that actually enjoy my company and I don't have to force them to want to hang out with me. It's upsetting to me that my husband doesn't want to just be with me.

And yes, I am a little whiny at times, but I got no sympathy from you when I got all banged up. You didn't seem a bit concerned that I fell so much and I had so many bruises... I just need to know that you actually care about my well-being. yes, I know you know that I'm a tough girl. But I am a girl and your wife and I guess I expect that you would take care of me. .

I don't know if what I'm talking about makes any sense to you. I don't know where to start, but it seems like something is missing from my relationship with you. And it's nothing new. There are just so many things about us and what we believe that are different that I feel like I'm not emotionally close to you. I love you, I do and I know you love me and you are devoted and committed in this relationship. But I don't feel like you are devoted to me, your wife. I don't feel the sweet love that I need from my husband. Lately you have just been so negative towards me... The way you continously tell me that I suck in soccer - that I should just give it up. Why would you discourage someone you love? I want encouragement and help in getting better at the things that I enjoy. It is really upsetting when I feel like you don't appreciate that I try so hard to do better. it's not just soccer - it's other things... it's you always wanting me to not be so loud, you saying that I embarrass you. I'm so sorry that my lively personality is such an embarrassment.

Do you love me? Yes, I know I make you laugh. But do you love the real me? Me, as the person in my entirety. It seems like I have these doubts when I'm feeling not so close to you.

I really hate the way you give me the cold shoulder when you are mad at me. Can you really blame me for not wanting to come home early last nite? I knew I was not going to be able to sleep. I've stayed home with you in the past and opted not to go party b/c you asked and I agreed. i was happy to stay home. I was thrilled that you even asked me to stay. I felt like you were telling me that you actually needed me. but last nite, I had all this energy. i wanted to just hang out and not be stuck at home - only to have you fall asleep and me be alone doing nothing... But for you not to understand that and be this upset about it, I don't really know how to take it.

If you were to give me the attention that I need, the support that I want, and the emotional support that I crave, I would not need to go to my friends to hang out all the time. You and I seem to be growing apart and you don't even realize it. You and I do not have the same beliefs in how to go handle certain situations... What else is there? other than our past? What happens when all you have together is history? What about a future? I need to know that you truly want to be with me - just be with me. I don't want you to have to force yourself to do things for me just b/c you think I want that. And even when you know it's something that I want and you can do (like open doors), you still refuse to do it b/c you just don't want to. Do you not realize how special it makes me feel when you open my car door? It makes me feel like you want to take care of me....

You probably don't understand where this is all coming from, nor do you understand why these little things are such a big deal to me. It's because I realize that I still am a hopeless romantic. For so long, I've suppressed all the feelings of needing passion in my life, but now I am really missing emotional connection from you... These, have in the past been issues for me and and my happiness and here they come again rearing their ugly heads... I guess I tried to do it your way - the practical love. The way you want to give me the things I need - new tires instead of flowers... Sometimes I just need you to give me the emotional support.

I don't want to go thru the rest of my life having to go to my friends for emotional support - you, as my husband, are supposed to be the one who provides everything for me. You're supposed to listen to me, to my issues, to my concerns, complaints... You are supposed to be the one to rub my elbow when I fall on the snow. You're NOT supposed to be the first one to leave me at the top of the slope.

Are you reading all this? Does it make any sense to you? I don't appreciate the way you act towards me when you are mad. I don't like the lack of communication between the two of us. We're just so different. We love differently...

What should I do?